Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize