The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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