How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
As shirtless as possible
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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