Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
