I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
