I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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