I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
