How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize