I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
