The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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