My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
