Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
