Please, let me fuck your mom
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
FUCK WHALES
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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