Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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