Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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