Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
