There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
