what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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