an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
