it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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