3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
