My friends, they love my intelligence
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
