Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
