Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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