This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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