i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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