let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
