I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
