im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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