I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize