you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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