I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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