just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
