OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Randomize
