i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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