I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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