you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
