He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
