I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My ass is underappreciated
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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