There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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