If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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