dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
