So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
