I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
