I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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