ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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