It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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