The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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