she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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