Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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