being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
