So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
