she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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