I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i think i have two assholes
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
