There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
