I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
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