i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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