I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
