I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
