he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
