I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
